I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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