There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
