I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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