How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
