You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
