I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
