There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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