based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
