Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
