Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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