You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
