If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He better not be in your backpack
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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