if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
