And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
did you just send me my own nude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
