i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
