stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
