probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
