He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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