so explain again why im purple
no
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
