I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
