Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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