I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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