Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
