You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
