she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
