home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
