If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
