New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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