Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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