Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
