somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
