Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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