I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
