It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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