There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
