You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
