i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
