sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
