did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
