i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We had to coat check the pizza.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
