how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
