3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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