Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
