please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
