PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
