K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
