would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
