She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
