i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
