theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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