Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
