I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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