I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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