Tell her she can't have a vagina
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
