it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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