I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
