White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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