Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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